The Mean Reds

Today I failed. A lot.

I had a job interview this morning, which was good. As I was heading out the door, I got a phone call from a recruiter I didn’t want to talk to, which distracted me such that I forgot the folder with my resume and directions to the office. That was bad. In the interview, I was all at sixes and sevens, I don’t think I could have really said my name convincingly. Needless to say that company is exploring other options.

I received two email rejections from potential employers and spoke on the phone with two recruiters who were discussing jobs I either don’t want or wouldn’t be able to do.

I found out that some things have changed in my online class and I’m way behind the ball. My textbooks have still have not arrived (though I’m hopeful they’ll be here tomorrow), so I’m a little unsure of what I’m learning about. I am behind on my coursework and I have no idea if I’m doing it right.

I made some poor choices in conversation that left me feeling like I had offended a friend.

So I fail.

I fail at getting a job. I fail at school. I fail at being a good friend.

I even fail at speaking truth to myself. As I write this, I’m supposed to be tearing down the mountain of coursework that I’m so behind on. I’ve told myself God is in control, that he knows the right job and the right degree and the right life for me to have. I’ve told myself everyone fails, and I shouldn’t blow these things out of proportion and I need to just buckle down. But, these facts have no bearing on my emotions whatsoever.

I’m thankful that God never gets to the end of the day amazed at how much he failed. I’m thankful that he never has to look at himself and say “I failed”, not even once. He always does it right the first time.

So, when God made me a little absent minded, easily distracted, and prone to become a bubbling mass of goo when I don’t know what to say, he did it right. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, down to the very things I hate about myself.

This is truth: God made me and chose me knowing I would fail.While I was dead in my sin, he sent his Son to die for my failures (and sin, but we’re focusing on failure today). Today, he continues to be faithful to his promise to me despite my failures. There is no mistake I can make, no dish I can drop, no appointment I can forget that will make God too frustrated to love me today. His mercy and grace have already covered every wrong decision.

Take that mean reds.

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